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A Fresh Perspective and The Battle of the Sexes

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Recently, I’ve been getting into self-help books like a bag of crisps. For someone who used to avoid them (if not laugh at them), you might be wondering what made me change my tune? As I am always very honest and confiding, I will admit that I was at a point (during a predicament) where I needed guidance beyond what my friends, family and own reasoning or instincts could give. Open mindedness and a willingness to try was simply the only option left.

One book I am reading stressed on the importance of “giving up frustration and anger in lieu of a new possibility” – basically making positive any negative situation. It encouraged the mindset of making your own life good, not waiting for an external source to do it for you. It also suggested that you can speak to the universe – that your choices and mindset shape what comes to you. Those who read too literally into this would see this as ridiculous, but those who are willing to understand can really take away a lot from this perspective.

The message of this particular book, although not one on feminism, reminded me of my struggles within the Women’s Rights Movement and gave me an idea on how to overcome this. One issue I really find hard to deal with is how many people see feminists as bitter, or a bunch of complainers. It’s easy to bring out the claws in defense, but what good does it do but confirm the accusations? And even if we are in the right, this is a person’s honest opinion of feminism. Perhaps we have to acknowledge this? So how do we deal with the continuing struggles of gender equality being of non-importance to many, while considering these statements against feminism, and still go forward towards our collective goals? (We give them a Pepsi of course. But if that fails…)

We change tactics, and we challenge our mindsets. We look at negative situations as opportunity to grow. 

Let’s take a look at the Women’s March on Washington for example. The love and community that came from that day inspired more than the reason for the march. Embracing the best from a negative situation inspires. Focusing on the negative – i.e. the reason women were marching to begin with – sucks. We have to think of ways to make positive every situation within the Women’s Rights Movement, even when we feel our anger is justified. And yes, it begins with acknowledging how far we have come and how many people have contributed to this ever-improving situation for global gender equality, even if we haven’t achieved a 50-50 world yet.

If this seems like a slap in the face of all those who sacrificed so much for the cause (or those who already do acknowledge how far we have come), I assure you, I originally thought this too. It took a while to get my head around this, but we have to understand that this doesn’t mean we ignore the wrongs that have happened, but we rather look at things with a NEW perspective. If we want a more positive approach and welcome more people into the fold of feminism – perhaps we have to further understand why exactly people don’t support this cause, digging beyond the surface level of people’s opinions.

After all, I think the root of our problems has little to do with superficial stereotyping of feminists, and more to do with a cultural habit that has existed for centuries, if not millennia. And this is where I get to the real guts of this blog entry.

Our whole culture – not just in the case of feminism – encourages a battle of the sexes. Since it’s birth, feminism has been mislabeled as a cause for man-hating, and every modern feminist feels like a broken record trying to communicate the true definition of the word (if not having it man-splained back at us). But let’s continue to zoom out: most men and women are in a constant power struggle to outdo one another and try to prove their superiority. In work, in education, in sports and reality TV, magazines and casual sexism in conversation, even down to the expectations parents place on their children. It’s hard to find one example where men and women, boys and girls aren’t compared or pitted against one another, or even simply separated based on biological differences. Despite the social and political advances of women in the last century, this war wages on, and I believe this is the fundamental reason for why feminism is seen in a negative light. People only see it as segregation of the sexes. This is why so many people opt to be called humanists or egalitarians, or denounce feminism when the values they speak are, in fact, feminist. This mindset runs rampant in our community, and until we recognize the nuances of it’s existence,  we unwittingly participate in the war. So this message is for feminists, self-proclaimed non-feminists alike:

If we all truly want gender equality in our lifetime, we have to recognise that the battle of the sexes – and how we stereotype men and women – are fundamental in our viewpoint of feminism. We need to redirect our understanding to be based around social justice (the principal of equality in all definitions, for all people), not solely focusing on the semantics of the name.

I became a feminist because I wanted to prove my value as a woman. The more I invested in the movement, the more I realised that this cause was bigger than my own. Our ideas on feminism are palpable and resonate with others. We need to make them positive and inclusive, if we want positivism and inclusiveness to come back to us. It goes back to that idea of putting out to the universe what we want returned. Basically, we have to acknowledge that most people want equality, and feminism is called feminism because it’s a cause directly associated with women, but that doesn’t mean it’s exclusively for women, or beneficial only to women. Changing the name of feminism simply takes away the special significance of women’s suffrage in the movement.

Call me idealistic, but I think if we actually learned to understand the reasons why people see our values differently, and learn to not take it personally when someone disagrees, we may become closer to Planet 50/50 faster than we think.

“Now you know better, so you do better” – Maya Angelou

This entry skipped and hopped around a bit, much like my thoughts tend to do when excited about an idea. But do you agree? Do you disagree? I want to know your thoughts! Share in the comment section below.

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Uncategorised

Enough is enough.

I usually avoid spontaneous posts, but recently I have had thoughts in my mind that I’ve been too angry to talk about, and just today I stumbled upon this inspirational (and now somewhat iconic) speech that eloquently covered what I haven’t been able to say. I felt the urgency to share it.

Michelle Obama’s recent speech in New Hampshire managed to convey what I’ve been feeling and thinking about the US Elections of late. But this speech goes beyond politics. It goes into the realm of basic human decency, and is a timeless speech that addresses a major issue that we are still facing every single day. I hope that all people make the time to hear it. Politics aside, this is an issue men and women need to listen to, and acknowledge.

Enjoy your weekends and stay positive!

 

EDIT: On another note .. have you seen Emma Watson’s latest He for She address? Watch below!

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Uncategorised

The World needs this as a Regular Chat Show

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I’m a part of Emma Watson’s Our Shared Shelf on Goodreads. I don’t actively participate, but I got involved when Caitlin Moran’s memoir ‘How to be a Woman‘ was selected for book of the month.

Initially I wasn’t drawn to Moran, I found her a bit too brash. I also didn’t like her views on how women were portrayed in history, which I found surprisingly assumptious for a published writer. She said, and I quote, For even the most ardent feminist historian, male or female – citing Amazons and tribal matriarchies and Cleopatra – can’t conceal that women have basically done fuck all for the last 100,000 years. Come on – let’s admit it. Let’s stop exhaustingly pretending that there is a parallel history of women being victorious and creative, on an equal with men, that’s just been comprehensively covered up by The Man. There isn’t. Our empires, armies, cities, artworks, philosophers, philanthropists, inventors, scientists, astronauts, explorers, politicians and icons could all fit, comfortably, into one of the private karaoke booths in SingStar. We have no Mozart; no Einstein; no Galileo; no Gandhi. No Beatles, no Churchill, no Hawking, no Columbus. It just didn’t happen“.

Many people on the OSS forum thought it might have just been her sense of humour, but most of us (quite confused and frustrated) went on to challenge this; making a point that most women weren’t given the opportunity to learn and make a difference, or had male superiors take credit for their work and achievements. But I softened after watching the clip below. This clip comes from an extended interview between Watson and Moran discussing issues raised in her book (these two make good discussion TV). What Moran says does not only support the views I already had, but she also acknowledges that she wasn’t enlightened when she wrote the book five years previously (a feminist who admits faults, how refreshing) and that school had never taught her why women were absent in history. I really encourage you to watch the following clip(s) discussing this.

“You make a point why women didn’t play a role in human history. How did you come to these conclusions, how did they enlighten you?”

(I’m super excited to source The Ascent of Women by Dr Amanda Foreman. I don’t have netflix, but I will no doubt read up about it if I can!)

I also found one aspect they talk about in the video very interesting. Possibly, at some point in history, men and women were equal. And in ancient times when laws were being constructed, men made specific laws that defined women as inferior. This is such an interesting aspect of our history – I agree – why aren’t we taught it specifically in schools?

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Suffragette Chronicals

Modern Suffragettes: Miss Emma Watson

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Emma Watson – can this girl be any more amazing? She is an impeccable example of how women my age can go beyond the mandatory roles played in the media (sexy, seductive, self-absorbed) and commit their work to the benefit of others. Her commitment as UN Goodwill Ambassador and leader of the He for She movement, she initiated the campaign by inviting men to the conversation.

Genius! It seems so obvious, but we’ve been so busy focusing on our oppression we forgot that this is man’s issue too. But it is hard when a lot of men seem threatened by feminism.

I came across a man recently who told me that women already have and had equality, and that ‘this third wave of feminism simply encourages female supremacy‘. I initially thought he was joking … Is it always typical of a party who don’t primarily benefit from a cause to be threatened by it? But his statement wasn’t wholly untruthful – in fact, he was right in suggesting that women have it better than we did 50, 90 years ago. Our main goals – voting rights, equal education for women, property ownership and reproductive rights have been achieved. Except that it doesn’t immediately equate to the full rights and social standings as a man, and it definitely doesn’t cover developing countries and extremist cultures where women are still significantly oppressed, victimised and discriminated against.

Sadly, many women also see feminism as a nasty word. They see it as this sort of, culture of greed where women (particularly ‘privileged’ white women or ‘angry’ black women) simply want more and more, and cannot appreciate what we have got. That’s about the same as saying to an African American, “quit complaining about your oppression, you’re not a slave anymore”. It’s extremely offensive, closed-minded and ignorant. The truth is, the many feminists I know are extremely grateful to everyone who supports us, male or female, authority or civilian, but in particular the Suffragettes and feminists of past who faced discrimination and oppression in order to fight for the freedoms we have today.

We are in the third, but not final wave of feminism. To give up the debate now would be to stick a middle finger up to the efforts of the women who fought before us. And as Emma says, Call me a ‘diva’, call me a ‘feminazi’, call me ‘difficult’, call me a ‘First World feminist’ … it’s not going to stop me from trying to do the right thing and make sure that the right thing happens.

Boom.

 

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