Losing your Purpose in the Pursuit of Love.

Last year I started up this blog with one goal in mind: to realise my purpose through issues greater than my own.

What I have discovered since then, is that your purpose is not a finish line or a measurable target. It’s an ongoing discovery of self, and the act of gaining happiness through connection with others.

I’ve put this blog on hold because of… well, LIFE – and not making excuses here, but LIFE generally does tend to throw hurdles at you and slows down the reaching of a goal. Buying a new house, moving to a new city, starting a new job is all very overwhelming and time consuming for a young, single woman, and I can forgive myself for that. But the main reason I didn’t write was because I wasn’t being inspired. I like to reduce the pressure I place on myself with this blog by accepting that this is a part of the process of soul-searching and creativity. Producing blog posts (particularly when one is not a writer) is not something you can turn on like a faucet. And even though there has been a LOT going on in Feminism since the Women’s March on Washington (now that it’s such a hot topic), I just haven’t been giving enough time to focus on what’s going on enough to comment on it.

Now, never say I don’t tell all!

Outside of the endeavors of my blog, I recently acquired a book by Katherine Woodward Thomas called ‘Calling in The One’. I stumbled upon it online, and my initial impression was that this was one of those cheesy, money-making scams targeted at the lonely cat-lady community (of which I totally am one). However, reading the reviews changed my mind. Most people seemed to suggest that the title is misleading, that if you were genuinely open minded, this book would serve as a useful tool in discovering the best in yourself, and learning to love everyone around you – not just a potential partner. So I ordered a copy, and so far, I’ve really enjoyed reading each chapter and engaging in the daily practices.

The most recent chapter, “Clarifying your Soul’s Purpose”, brought me back here, onto The 27 Resolve. It inspired me because it clarified what my purpose is on a deeper level. It reminded me of why I started this blog. It came at a particular time in my love life where I really needed to be reminded of what this was.

The chapter begins with explaining that each one of us is born to fulfill a particular destiny. For most of us, this lies beyond our consciousness and teases us with dissatisfaction. Many of us confuse our jobs and our roles in life with our purpose… our purpose is not a thing, place, occupation, title or even talent.

“Our purpose is to be. Our purpose is how we live life, not role we live. Our purpose is found each moment as we make choices to be who we really are.” – Carol Adrienne

WOW.

I’ve never come across a statement that re-defines it so articulately and matter-of-fact.

It’s simple. For me, I am here to learn and grow and discover and connect with others. I am here to help and heal. I am here to radiate kindness, and happiness, or hope. If I am not making choices based on this, I am not aligning with my purpose.

With this book in mind, I find that despite good intentions to open up to love, we (well, us girls) often put all our energy and focus into romantic relationships and ended up losing our sense of purpose along the way. What happens is that you get  so focused on the outcome, or fear of failure, that you end up ignoring ‘gut feelings’ connected with your purpose, and dismissing them as the reason why your past relationships haven’t worked.

When you don’t listen to your inner guidance however, your ability to discern between logic and imagination becomes harder and harder. Being dismissive of your intuition (ie. to not over-analyze and just have fun) leads you to becoming reliant and desperate for other people’s advice on what to do. You cut off trust in your Higher Self because you let your past experiences dictate your future, inevitably repeating history. This only leads to feelings of stress, distraction, unhappiness and disconnection. If you actually listened to your gut instincts telling you that the relationship isn’t coming easy, or causing you a great deal of self-induced stress and anxiety by unnecessary over-thinking, often enough you would stop trying so hard to work at the relationship. You would stop surrendering your needs and sense of purpose, and wouldn’t wind up hurt and disappointed.

But don’t get the wrong idea. While you should always reflect internally, this isn’t to suggest that you should always blame yourself if a relationship isn’t working, or dump a person the minute you feel uneasy. In most cases this could be avoided altogether if couples simply opened up and talked to one another. What I am suggesting is that you must remain 100% committed to whatever intentions you set in your life, without being attached to the results you are getting. Because if you live a life focused on your purpose (such as growth, discovery, kindness and healing), you will always end up making the right choice. That way you can walk away from an unsuccessful relationship without it resulting in blame of anyone, or even save relationships when the going gets tough.

“For once you’ve located north for yourself, all of your other decisions will be that much easier to make, particularly the task of choosing your mate”.

This has been somewhat of an epiphany for me, but it came with patience and perseverance. I just needed to learn how to keep my perspective open – zooming out from the issue causing me distress – and focusing on the entire picture of what exactly makes me tick!